The life that rolled backward...

There I was in September,  looking outside the window of my new apartment somewhere in 60, The Vale, physically and emotionally. From outside I probably looked excited to be in a new place, but to me, on the inside, I was gloomy. 

I stood there wondering where am I to start?  It was all new to me. Where I was supposed to be was now a place I would never ever lay my foot on and here I was. New faces and new place. 

I felt a temporary relief for few minutes that I was lucky to start a new life but somehow my past pulled me right back to reality that new beginning don't erase an old past. I welled up.

I questioned myself, why this pain? It was my decision to leave everything behind and start fresh, then why this sorrow?

I gathered myself and made up my mind that the past was not going to hold me back and I was getting everything I had set out to achieve!


It was windy and my bags unpacked. I looked around the room. A  thick old curtains which probably belonged to 1980's partly hung from the window. I murmured to myself, " Great! like my life, cannot be fixed, cannot be unseen." I began unpacking but I was distracted by the silence. It was all different to me. No more people discussing my life and I had no more to laugh to suppress the pain. This was it! This was something I had waited for a very very long time.. Suddenly  happiness engulfed me and I smiled away..   Now there was no more looking back . I felt freedom.

On the one hand, I wanted to be true to the intentions I put together for myself in 2013 . But in order to be true to myself, I had to let go of everything.

I spent rest of the month trying to figure my way to College and back to my room. My sister who was also new to the area,shifted to the same house from Hertfordshire, accompanied me 2 days in a row to college. It felt like a puzzle to me. A month back, I was in India trying to sort my life and here I was now, passing through the crowds in Oxford Street in London.

As I walked past the Selfridges, I saw the big sign that said Happiness is coming. It was actually a hoarding for Christmas but it so felt like as though it was sending me some message. I smiled because It made me happy and I knew that I would accept every little happiness that came my way, never to look back again..