The answer

Much time has elapsed since I have done my last post. First it was interruptions and finally illness that kept me away from writing.  I spent many days thinking about what to write and now I feel a bit better to do so.

Last few days I was experiencing life at a rate of several WTF's per hour.  I was living in the kingdom of  questions and I looked like I am the Queen.  It was like nothing interested me anymore and I was getting irritated by every possible thing alive. Too many questions and few answer. Nevertheless, I do believe that life do have an answers and when we know the answer, then life becomes seemingly great and beautiful but still I keep questioning and complaining.   

Anyway I  do not allow myself to be misled by the surfaces of things, may be because I trusted people too easily before and may be all the things that happened in my life. But yes, Do we stop trusting? Do we stop living?  I guess this is  how life works. Some people come to stay in your life forever and some walk away  and all we can do is watch them disappear. (And seriously, the ones that walked away can kiss my a**  :P)
Some times you are happy when life favors you and sometimes you break down and ask, why me? 

Having all these question on my mind, I  downloaded mantras and meditated. To be frank enough, I  found solace in myself. I had not meditated in a very long time but when I did, it all reflected back to me that all the good things that happen in our life is the result of the ingredients we gather to create a beauty and all that goes bad  is the  wrong choices. Is it still fair to blame the fate? Aren't we the creator of our own destiny? Bit by bit you realize that the answer was always there, it's just that we overlooked. 

Life still shows you a lot of things. It amazes you at every corner. One moment you are surrounded by happiness and the other, you find yourself in deep ocean of tears. But we still live on, we still grow until we come out as a strong person. Even though the past remains fossilized in your head, you some how find your way out of it. And sometimes someone is sent for you, to ease your soul, an angel in disguise.... May be this is  life's way of teaching us to be strong. May be the reason why we become restless with too many questions is itself a signal so that we look out for an answer our self. May be!


 And now I have found my answer and I know that life is a magic and we create it. 

This thing called love

The life that rolled backward...

There I was in September,  looking outside the window of my new apartment somewhere in 60, The Vale, physically and emotionally. From outside I probably looked excited to be in a new place, but to me, on the inside, I was gloomy. 

I stood there wondering where am I to start?  It was all new to me. Where I was supposed to be was now a place I would never ever lay my foot on and here I was. New faces and new place. 

I felt a temporary relief for few minutes that I was lucky to start a new life but somehow my past pulled me right back to reality that new beginning don't erase an old past. I welled up.

I questioned myself, why this pain? It was my decision to leave everything behind and start fresh, then why this sorrow?

I gathered myself and made up my mind that the past was not going to hold me back and I was getting everything I had set out to achieve!


It was windy and my bags unpacked. I looked around the room. A  thick old curtains which probably belonged to 1980's partly hung from the window. I murmured to myself, " Great! like my life, cannot be fixed, cannot be unseen." I began unpacking but I was distracted by the silence. It was all different to me. No more people discussing my life and I had no more to laugh to suppress the pain. This was it! This was something I had waited for a very very long time.. Suddenly  happiness engulfed me and I smiled away..   Now there was no more looking back . I felt freedom.

On the one hand, I wanted to be true to the intentions I put together for myself in 2013 . But in order to be true to myself, I had to let go of everything.

I spent rest of the month trying to figure my way to College and back to my room. My sister who was also new to the area,shifted to the same house from Hertfordshire, accompanied me 2 days in a row to college. It felt like a puzzle to me. A month back, I was in India trying to sort my life and here I was now, passing through the crowds in Oxford Street in London.

As I walked past the Selfridges, I saw the big sign that said Happiness is coming. It was actually a hoarding for Christmas but it so felt like as though it was sending me some message. I smiled because It made me happy and I knew that I would accept every little happiness that came my way, never to look back again..